If she had a gun, she might have pulled the trigger.

I wish to congratulate people whose moms, though not perfect, are loving, considerate, and compassionate. The overview of my childhood is a nightmare. I go to school bearing bruises because of what my own mother describe as “a result of my being dumb and disrespectful to her”.

 I get bruises as a punishment for almost everything I do – from having been late from school, from getting low scores in math, from playing games in the computer for so late, for turning on the lights when I want to cut my nails while she is asleep, for waking her up during afternoons when there are visitors. She beats me because of almost anything.

If she has had a gun, she might have pulled the trigger on me. I cannot say that I am a diligent daughter, nor AN intelligent one who earns good grades in every subject. Isn’t it normal to say that a mother can understand that her child cannot be everything she desired? I never really wanted pity, although I should be honest that I wanted revenge – revenge from my self-pronounced maltreatment.

Once a childhood friend punched me on my left shoulder as a joke, I gave her curse words because she hit me from where the bruise was. I was fresh from a beating up the night before the exam because of an I- can’t-remember-why-reason, and I bet that It is something which is not worth the beating.

Once, I tried a gay beautician’s iron curler and when my own mother saw me having waves in my hair, she told me I was “malandi”. The beautician was scandalized with that for he heard it firsthand. I never really cared to answer back though I was hurt. I already know that she is like that and putting up a fight will just place me into a high danger – she will get my father’s belt and beat me until there is no blood.

My mom and I do not usually talk during Christmas or New Year because I have a feeling that I am not worthy of her curse words. Because every time we talk, all I receive are insults, if not judgements. I never wanted to have pity on myself because I know I could do much better without her. I could be a better person without her

She is not really supporting me now so I can say that I do not need her. My Father’s love for me and for my brother has proven that the three of us can live together without someone who shows love to us if there is money.

I forgave her for being so. After all the many curse words she has given me and after all the many bruises my body has received from her raging hands, I think it is time to let go of the memories and remove her officially in my life.

At least now, there are no more sad maladies. I’m not ashamed of myself anymore because she can no longer disrespect of insult me with her harsh words. Can you ever image a mother who could kill her daughter? I can because I happened to experience the worst tragedy of my life.

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